In a world where politeness and self-control often take center stage—especially in romantic relationships—some everyday actions are still considered off-limits. But Leah Decesare, author of Naked Parenting, suggests that something as ordinary—and awkward—as farting in front of your partner could actually mean your relationship is in a very healthy place. Could it be that a simple toot is a symbol of genuine connection?
Letting Loose Means Letting Love In
Let’s be real—farting is a totally normal part of being human. Still, many people feel anxious or even ashamed about doing it around their partner. Why? It usually comes down to appearances. Nobody wants to ruin the image of being “put-together” with a rogue fart. But allowing yourself to drop that mask and just be yourself in a relationship can be a major sign of trust.
As Leah Decesare explains in her book, that moment of “letting go” in front of someone you love can actually reflect unconditional acceptance. “There is something a bit magical about Princess Diana – and despite the difficulties in her personal life she managed to use her connection with people to do huge amounts of good,” she says, referring to emotional openness in relationships.
Farts Don’t Lie: A Symbol of the Real You
In the age of perfectly filtered social media relationships, it’s easy to feel like love should always look flawless. But as Decesare points out, being able to be your true, unedited self—even in moments that aren’t exactly glamorous—is essential for a strong bond.
She shares a personal story about an early moment with her now-husband: shortly after they started dating, she accidentally farted in front of him. Instead of judgment, she felt accepted—and that moment became a quiet confirmation of their honest connection.
A Cultural Thing?
Whether or not you’re cool with farting in front of your partner might also come down to your cultural background. In some cultures, like in Japan, couples might go months without ever breaking wind in front of each other—it’s seen as a sign of respect. Meanwhile, other cultures take a more relaxed (and even humorous) approach.
These differences shape how comfortable we feel being ourselves in a relationship, and what we’re willing to reveal behind closed doors.
Laughter Is the Best Air Freshener
If you’re the kind of person who turns red just thinking about this topic, don’t worry—you’re not alone. But many couples find that a shared laugh over an awkward moment like this can actually bring them closer. That silly moment might just become one of those weird, wonderful memories you both look back on and laugh about.
For Decesare, this is what true connection is all about: “the ability to smile at your own weaknesses and those of each other.”
Science Agrees: Vulnerability Builds Bonds
Interestingly, psychology backs this up. Studies have shown that emotional intimacy grows when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. And what’s more vulnerable than revealing the “less polished” sides of ourselves—like our natural bodily functions?
Letting go of the need to always appear perfect lets love grow in a deeper, more meaningful way.
No Shame, Just Connection
That first fart for Decesare didn’t bring embarrassment—it brought a sense of relief. It confirmed she didn’t need to hide anything from her partner. And that realization became a turning point in their relationship, paving the way for complete honesty and openness.
Of course, no one’s saying you should turn your home into a no-holds-barred fart zone. But maybe it’s time to stop worrying so much about the small stuff.
Feeling Good by Being Real
At the end of the day, there’s something freeing—both physically and emotionally—about not pretending. When you know you can truly be yourself, the relationship becomes a safe space where both people can breathe a little easier.
Decesare encourages couples to forget about outdated relationship “rules” and embrace what works for them. “Ultimately,” she suggests, “isn’t a perfect couple one where you can be perfectly yourself?”
So, the next time an awkward little moment slips out, don’t panic. Maybe smile, share a laugh, and recognize it for what it could be: a quirky little sign that you’ve found someone who truly accepts you—farts and all.